In January I attended the funeral of a six-year-old boy named Joaquin Benito Ruiz.
I didn't know him, but his mom used to be my sister-in-law. And his sister is my niece.
Click here to find out.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A gift from Joaquin Benito Ruiz
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Magic Quilt's Moves On
The following is the post from Corrine's blog, Littlest Bird:
Passing on the Magic Quilt
Do remember the magic quilt that was given to him as a gift, to help him through his journey?
The magic quilt was ready to burst with the need to give its magic to someone new
and I thought of my friend:
Kathy.
My book-club companion and fellow lover of the written word.
Six weeks after finding out she is pregnant with her third child
she was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer.
As of this week, she has already had surgery and several rounds of chemo (that began when she entered her second trimester).
Her baby boy is doing amazing.
They are holding off on more chemo, now, until he joins us on this earth and then she gets to start again.
But this incredible woman needs all the magic she can get right now.
When I asked if she was interested in being the next recipient of the magic quilt,
she said yes.
So on Tuesday evening, Lila and I went to her home.
She and Lila sat on the couch while I helped Kathy's daughter, Naomi.
Lila told her about the quilt, the love that went into making it and the strength that she and Stan found in its folds.
I took their picture (along with the darling Naomi).
I had Naomi hold my camera and take a picture of all of us.
May the quilt works its magic of peace and heart-healing for you, Kathy, and your family.
You're in my prayers.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Done
Note this important equation before taking up a friendship with Steroids:
Before steroids - 1 slice of bread = 110 calories
After steroids – 1 slice of bread = 1100 calories**
**(Actual calorie numbers may vary. This estimate based on fatigue and roid rage.)
Anyhow, as I was saying, June 3 couldn’t come fast enough in my mind. I almost felt like if I could just fast-forward time, I could somehow escape the dizziness, fatigue, joint pain, hair loss and loss of feeling in my feet from chemo.
But my fast forward button broke. So I just went through the 12 weekly treatments like every other mortal.
And now I am done. DONE. I felt pretty drained after that last chemo session. My body feels and looks like some poisons had a party in it for six months. I look in the mirror and wonder who that person is. My hair grew back during the break from chemo to deliver Kilian and is now mostly gone again. But chemo is over. It is time to kick those poisons out, clean up the crap they left behind and move forward. I’m not waiting for radiation to be over to start this process. I’m reclaiming my body now.
I joined Weight Watchers. And I’m making myself exercise with whatever energy I can muster. I went to a kickboxing class at the gym on Saturday. The girl in front of me wore a pink shirt. Since pink is the symbol color for breast cancer, I focused on her shirt during every kick and punch and imagined myself kicking cancer right in the nose. I’ve heard tales from runners about a euphoric feeling they experienced after running a certain distance. I never understood that feeling before. But after that kickboxing class, I did. I felt like there was this light exploding out of me and smashing into that pink shirt.
Die cancer. Be gone Taxol and Decadron. Take your side effects and leave. You all are no longer welcome here.
Friday, October 4, 2013
3 Years Later
Kilian is now two-and-a-half, healthy and seemingly a normal, curious, talking two-year-old despite growing in my belly through surgery and half of my 6-month chemo regimen.
The biggest health scare we've had from him so far was a case of walking-pneumonia last spring and some extremely picky eating behaviors that made him suddenly drop off the charts for his weight, despite maintaining an average height.
But thanks to weight-gain Pediasure, bacon, fruit smoothies with ice cream and scrambled eggs cooked in olive oil, we recently celebrated him returning to a more normal 11 percentile weight.
(Below are two photos I took of the kids last spring in our garden out front).
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Passing . . .
Love is messy like that too--messy with joy, and with pain that changes us for good, even when it's bad.
Lila Tolman came back changed after her husband's death. Permanently, and beautifully changed. For several months after Stan's passing, she kept the magic quilt as a source of comfort. But in time, she did the only thing there is to do with comfort. She passed it on.
The following is the letter I received from Lila after she found a new recipient for the quilt:
I have found new strength in my Heavenly Father's love. It is so strong. I know I am not forgotten.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Grandmas are people too!
The fabric keeps on a comin'! Woohoo! I love it. Keep spreading the word. I want to make at least 10 baby quilts in the next few months and start them on their journey to comfort those women around the globe who are mourning the loss of a child. I need flannel. To represent those who are lost. But never forgotten.
Look at this adorable flannel I received today! Have you seen anything happier? It's the happiest fabric on earth.
This fabric comes to us from this sweet, spunky woman named Marilyn Larsen. She is little Ladybug's grandma.
A few weeks ago I got an email from her which said:
I'm Amy's momma and Ella's grandma. (the Matriarchal Madwoman) I would LOVE to send you some flannel because I want other grandmas to know of the love and compassion I have for them. So often we focus on the mommy (as it should be), but the grandparents suffer as well. I never saw my husband cry so hard as when we were watching our daughter hold her baby as her little heart stopped beating. We suffer for the loss of a precious grandchild, but the pain of watching your child suffer is incredible.
I have spoken to several other grandmas who confirm this is TOO TRUE!
In the letter I received with the fabric, Marilyn says:
I'm donating this in honor of Ella Standage, who came into this world Dec 29, 2010 and passed a couple of hours later. I'm honored to be her grandma and hope that this bright happy fabric will comfort another grieving mommy.
I've given the fabric a big hug and am sending it with all my love and prayers for those parents AND grandparents who grieve for our lost little ones. I'm honored to know that I have a choice, perfect granddaughter who will watch over us always.
I just love it when people say things better than me.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Lady Bug, Lady Bug, Fly Away Home
Remember Amy and Ella? My inspiration for the Sisterhood of the Magic Traveling Baby Quilt project?
Well, the project is underway and Amy has contributed some flannel fabric for the quilt to honor her little Ella.
Ladybug was Ella's nickname whenever Amy talked about her online, and even though Ella was born and died on the same day, there is sonographic evidence which captures her perfect little ladybug loveliness while she was alive:
Ella Standage
Born: December 29, 2010
Died: December 29, 2010
Safe Passage Ella, as you fly away home.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Emma and Taylor
I have received several emails asking for my address for the purpose of sending flannel for our traveling baby quilts, but today I received the first fabric in the mail.
It is in honor of conjoined twin girls. Emma and Taylor shared a heart. It's a beautiful metaphor, but the logistics of sharing a heart are quite a bit more complicated. This past August, at three years old, they underwent sugery to qualify them for heart transplants.
Neither one of them survived the surgery.
INCONSOLABLE!
This fabric was donated on behalf of the twins' mother, Mandy, by her sister-in-law, Sara.
Blue and purple were Emma and Taylor's favorite color.
This post goes out in memoriam to honor:
Emma and Taylor Bailey
Born: September 2o, 2006
Died: August 10, 2010
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Be the comfort you want to see in the world
Yesterday was Ella's funeral. I read her mother, Amy's words this morning and one line in particular struck me:
Hearts that have been broken wide open need to be filled up with something else.
How profound!
Maybe that's why it is so important to fill broken hearts with love and comfort and compassion, before they get filled up with bitterness, anger, and regret. Broken hearts are so darn vulnerable like that.
I was just made aware of this family who recently lost their 14-month-old son, Andrew. He died in his sleep of SIDS. It's a parent's worst nightmare! The thing we all secretly fret over and fear. Let us all go and give this family a hug!
I bet my sister will make another "for keeps" baby blanket like the one she made for Amy.
She just asked me yesterday to let her know if there is anyone else who needs one. Making baby blankets is such a productive way to grieve the loss of a child, don't you think? Just another way to fill up a heart that's been split wide open.
Hey, I just thought of a new motto!
Be the comfort you want to see in the world.
I'm surprised Gandhi didn't think of that. ;)
So, to summarize: If you have lost a child, or know of someone who has, please join hands with the rest of us to soften the blow for others who are experiencing the same loss. It can be an adult child, or a miscarriage, it mattereth not. It can even be a grandchild or a niece or nephew. If you loved a child that has shuffled off this mortal coil, I am asking you to donate a piece of flannel in his/her honor. In remembrance. In memoriam.
So how can you join hands with us?
1. Send a piece of flannel fabric which represents the child of honor. It can be a yard, or several yards, or simply a 12x12 square.
2. Include your child's name and birth date AND death date. (My sister says the death date is very important to her since her son died.)
3. The flannel will be cut into quilt blocks and sewn together with love, and with other quilt blocks honoring other children who have finished their earthly journey.
4. The child's name, birth date and death date will appear in the corner of his/her quilt block.
5. The baby quilt(s) (hopefully we will make dozens) will begin their journey as magic traveling quilts. Each person who receives the quilt will keep it as long as they need, until they feel ready to part with it and until they find someone else whose heart has split open wide and needs a filler. They will then pass it on. And so on and so on and so on.
6. A notebook, which my sister is at this very moment making, will accompany the quilt on it's magical journey. The notebook will be for writing letters, messages, quotes, or little love notes to the absent child. This will be cathartic for both the writer and the subsequent readers.
7. If you would like to include a love note to your child to be inserted into the magic notebook before it is sent out to the first recipient, please send it to me along with your fabric, or email it to ctddiaries@gmail.com.
And please raise your hand if you would like to help sew "for keeps" blankets, or help piece together the traveling magic baby quilts once we get rolling.
Let's get to work, peeps!